Dream Deep

Well Phorcys, I haven't critted for you in a while, I thought I might drop by and take a look at this piece. ^_^ This is very well written, and ...

Okay, I'm going to do this crit in Cal-form because it's much easier that way. ^_~ Everything I have to interject is in bark blue and bold. Sound good? Sounds ...

Oh, my friend. Incan will eat this alive. ^_~ Though I have to say, in this instance, that I agree with his (potential?) commentary. And I agree with writeme - ...

You want to know something rather strange... o0 This (the red text) reminds me an awful lot of the first real story I ever tried to write. First novel. I ...

I'm... sorry, but this was poorly done. I'm not sure if this was for amusement or to get some poingant message across, but if the latter is the case, I ...

Your rhyme scheme is perhaps a bit off in places, but the message... ;) Ah, I believe we've met in a previous life. I think I may have tried to ...

Bob, I'm dead impressed. This was simply... gorgeous. Beautiful. Amazing? Touching. Be pround, sir, be very proud of this. ^_~ I have no bad remarks or even constructive criticism for ...

Ooh... this was really good, Wiggy. Really good. I definitely enjoyed it, only one thing, perhaps, to say - you may want to place your line breaks a bit more ...

Great great great. Wonderful in fact. :razz: Just one thing, perhaps: How I long for your embrace, Your warm lips upon my face. You might want to change the second ...

I must agree with Write Me - I understand the attmepted purpose and message behind this poem, but it didn't come across very well. The structure and wording in several ...

I agree with Roxanne and Write Me. I can tell you're describing a photograph from the title, and even the first line might work towards this idea. But afterwards you ...

I'm... not sure you get much across with this. The imagery was pretty nice, but overall it did not have a feel that made you want to read it again ...

I actually found this quite nice, Soldier. It flowed well and I thought you made excellent use of the repetition. Only one thing, here, in the last stanza: He sat ...

Hmmm... nice imagery, but this doesn't flow right. I'd advise getting rid of the second "Frost" in Stanza 1. And the last bit needs some work too, it ends on ...

Pretty good for one of your first posted poems, as far as concept goes. But the wording quickly becomes thick and difficult to get through, let alone stay attentive to. ...